A huge problem in relationships comes up all the time. This is when your ex cheated on you, you got mad and kicked them out, and now you want them back. This happens all the time.
Is there a way to get them back and yet stop infidelity from occurring again? Is there a way to get them back and keep your dignity? After all, they cheated on you, so if you just take them back you can end up dealing with the same problem just down the road. You want them back, but you don’t want any more infidelity.
Fortunately, there are some powerful steps you can follow to not only get your ex back but likely keep them from repeating their unacceptable behavior. And the very first step is to set up a conversation with them where you get them to just listen to you. Since listening can be hard for them, you explain that you won’t be attacking or blaming, so they don’t need to argue or defend, they just need to listen.
Once you have got them to at least try to listen to you without arguing, you then take ten minutes or so and tell them how their infidelity made you feel. You use I Statements. I feel like I can’t ever trust you again. I feel like you punched me in the stomach and shamed me…
The important thing is to vent your hurt feelings using I Statements directly to your ex and try to make sure you feel heard. If you get your hurt feelings off your chest you create room for forgiveness and a stronger relationship in the future.
So once you have vented for a bit, you can ask your ex if they understand how they made you feel. If you feel heard by them, you will likely be much more able to begin to forgive them. The next step is to ask if they’ll promise not to cheat again. If they agree, you can then talk about taking them back.
The key is not to attack and fight with your ex, but to create a situation where they can hear from you the pain they caused. This creates room for true forgiveness and it begins to rebuild some trust.
There’s much more detail to this, obviously. But just by practicing the above steps you can clear the air some and make room for forgiveness and then love. There is more work to do to get them back and repair the trust, but this is a good start. You can actually use the infidelity to repair your relationship and make it even better in the future.
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8 Responses to “Get Back With Your Ex After They Betrayed You”
Living Life Abundantly Adventures
Once someone has cheated on you, no measure of counseling, discussion etc…will get the trust back. A person will always be left wondering.
I love your blog; I have been searching online for this type of information. I just found out that my girlfriend has cheated on me. I have found your blog and this other one about how to win ex back both extremely valuable.
Thanks so much for the advice!
Before trying to win your ex back, you first need to know if you can ACCEPT them back. If they betrayed you, make sure you still can handle it. Otherwise you're getting back into a relationship that's never going to succeed (because you won't let it).
Hands down, the best *free* guide I've seen to getting back an ex-boyfriend: http://www.howtogetbackanexboyfriend.com
Good luck all!
Hmmm, not sure this would work… Are you assuming they want to get back with you? Katty.
I'm not sure if this is a good way to get back with your ex. Anyway, if someone tried it I would be happy to hear the feedback. Thank you
I find that becoming appealing to your ex usually has to happen first before they will readily meet and talk to you with an open mind. Give your ex some space and work on yourself either physically, emotionally, attitudes and etc. When you are happy with yourself and at peace that will come across confident and more attractive. Your ex will be more willing to listen to get back with you then.
Yes its always good not to attack your ex, rather give him a break so that the pain they caused you can be felt and when they can listen to you vent, to get your ex back, you’ll need to show true remorse for the love and caring you feel
I think you have to take care of yourself first after a tough breakup and then the more confident you are, the more likely your ex will think romantically about you again. Another good resource on this topic is here.