Support for Overcoming Grief: Depression
October 26, 2007 by Marenda
Filed under Health Matters
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My heart has been heavy all week with the fires and the tragedy at the Long Beach Pier. I know that I am not the only one as people have been expressing their feelings about it too. At this point I’m not sure what all I can do to show my support other than to pray… I do believe strongly in the power of prayer and I know prayer availeth much. Along with my prayers I hope what I share today on this blog touches who ever it needs to touch……..
There are hurting people all over the world, some near and dear to our hearts. It is often easy for us to be so caught up in our own lives that we are oblivious to what might be going on in someone else’s life…
Living life abundantly means caring not just for ourselves but for others. To truly experience abundant living we must have compassion and Love in our hearts for our fellow man and be concerned not only for our own best interests, but also the interests of others.
Each day the news tells of horrors and tragedies going on all around us. Too often we flip the channel or move on to whatever is next on our agenda because often the story seemingly has no direct affect or impact on our individual lives.(say a prayer, reach out, send a card, do something…)
What many of us fail to realize is, we are all connected by much more than six degrees of separation. While we each live separate lives, collectively we are one, we make up the body of Humankind.
In life we each have different functions, roles, responsibilities, tasks, abilities, and talents; all of which are meant to work together for the benefit and betterment of Humankind. When one of us suffers we all suffer. When one of us succeeds we all succeed.
How so? Let me give you a few examples of how our lives are intertwined…
Your boss is in a foul mood and takes it out on you and your co-workers.
A classmate is distraught and brings a gun to school.
Your car breaks down in the fast lane during rush hour traffic.
An arsonist starts one fire that sparks many more.
A co-worker misses work you pick up the slack.
A doctor discovers a cure for the common the cold.
I can keep going on and on with examples, I think you get the picture. The events in our lives have both direct and indirect impact on the lives of others. This is something that we have to be aware of and sensitive to. We must support each other. The survival of Humankind depends on it.
One of our biggest areas of opportunity as it relates to supporting each other is dealing with depression and grief. I know you’ve seen the commercials with all the magic pills for making the symptoms of depression and grief go away. I believe that medication is not always the answer. Humankind has an innate ability to rejuvenate and/or heal through the power of words, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, touch, compassion, and Love.
All of the sad stories you see on the news…those are not just stories. Those are real live events that are happening in a fellow human beings life... a human being that has feelings and emotions just like you and me! The events that transpire in their lives ripple through the lives of those around them which continues to ripple throughout humanity.
If the news is reporting so much hurt in the world, how much hurt do you think there is among the people you know and come in contact with every day? Thats something to think about isn’t it? We can all make a difference in each others lives by simply caring, sharing, and understanding… People have a tendency of saying inappropriate and/or stupid things so I hope this guide on grief helps.
What is grief?
The intense emotional reaction or suffering in a person which begins when that person perceives that he or she has LOST (or been separated from) something (or someone) of emotional attachment. Grief is not optional. Grief is a prerequisite to healing. If we deny or delay our feelings, we deny and delay healing.
The Nature of Grief:
Loss is the state of being deprived of or being without something one has had and valued. ANY LOSS CAN BRING GRIEF!
Losses People Encounter:
The loss of a person
*death of a loved one
*miscarriage
*separation/divorce
*moving
*aging and illness (such as Alzheimers)
The loss of some aspect of life
*loss of ideas, hopes, dreams
*loss of health and/or body functions
*loss of role (such as being a spouse or employee)
The loss of external objects
*home, land, or possessions to fire, hurricane, or other catastrophes
As previously mentioned, ANY LOSS CAN BRING GRIEF! There are 5 stages of grief.
Not everyone experiences these stages at the same rate or in the same order. Some complete the process and repeat it. Some revert to previous stages.
Some do not go through all 5 stages. There is no set timeline grief can come and go in cycles with peaks and valleys.
What are the 5 stages?
1. Shock/Denial
2. Anger/Frustration
3. Bargaining/Guilt
4. Depression/Sadness
5. Acceptance/Hope
Symptoms:
* Shock, disbelief, emotional outbursts
* Preoccupation in thought with the deceased or lost object
* Past losses that were not resolved may surface
* Displays of anger, bitterness toward self, others and professionals
* Develop depression demonstrated by inability to sleep, poor quality of sleep, nightmares, loss of interest or gain of appetite, social withdrawal, loss of interest in former activities, poor memory, confusion difficulty in sorting out thoughts and addictions to short term solutions
* Suffer from separation anxiety
* Exhibit self-destructive behavior
* Experience ambivalence
* Idealize the deceased
* Experience anniversary reactions
WHAT NOT TO SAY OR DO:
Do not withdraw from the person
Do not judge, evaluate, or compare the persons reponses to the grief
Do not give false reassurances
Do not look for sympathy for yourself as you respond to the person
Don’t minimize their pain with comments and cliches like:
“it’s probably for the best”
“things could be worse”
Don’t just say, “is there anything I can do” (it places burden on the person in crisis)
Don’t say “you shouldn’t feel that way”
Don’t try to answer their question: “why?”
Don’t put a timetable on recovery
Don’t say “I understand” when you haven’t faced the same situation
Grieving people need understanding, reassurance, and contact with sensitive individuals who care.
WHAT TO SAY and/or DO:
Do acknowledge their loss
Do offer to do something specific
Do encourage the person to express their feelings
Do give them permission to ask “why?”
Do allow them time to deal effectively with all the stages of grief
Do be honest about your experiences
Reaching Out
By Joanna Fuchs
My heart is reaching out to you,
For what you’re going through;
I’m thinking of you frequently
And praying for you, too.
If there’s something I can do,
Anything at all,
Think of me thinking of you,
And don’t hesitate to call.
After They Are Gone
By Joanna Fuchs
When someone we love passes away,
We ache, but we go on;
Our dear departed would want us to heal,
After they are gone.
Grief is a normal way to mend
The anguish and pain in our hearts;
We need time to remember and time to mourn,
Before the recovery starts.
Let’s draw together to recuperate,
As we go through this period of sorrow;
Let’s help each other, with tender care
To find a brighter tomorrow.
Love, Support, and Prayers to the Rabb and Day family and all those that mourn.
Some have inquired about funeral dates and/or sending support for the families mentioned, at this time I do not know the answers to either. I believe a fund has been or is being set up for the Day family, I am not sure about the Rabb family. When I find out more information I will post it here in the comments section. Feel free to express yourself, leave your own comments, poetry, thoughts, and messages here as well.
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